the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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