Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
