Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Screwed.edu
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
