I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the condom got lost in my hair
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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