Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
