i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
