apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
