My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
