I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
