yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think a kid would responsible me up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
