I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
