meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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