they need to just BURY HIM!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Randomize
