I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
