now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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