I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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