i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
