i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
