im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
