I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
