so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize