I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
