When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
