That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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