I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize