meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
