There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
