I am spending my child support on dildos
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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