I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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