I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
