the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
