So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did you just send me my own nude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
