He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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