when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
