I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
