who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize