She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
