i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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