my vag is so smooth its legendary
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
