When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
