STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
