He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
