im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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