I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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