Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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