I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you have feelings for this penis?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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