That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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