Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
