Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
