Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
