Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
