Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
