I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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