Got a toothbrush?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
