The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
