his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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