??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
