i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
