I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
