Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
