Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you win again, gameday.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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