New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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