Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
