At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
