I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
