i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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