Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
