i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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