Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
