Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
