thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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