felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
