woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
