Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
