Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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