Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
