you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
