im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
