Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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