I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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