I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
